they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
