I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
