I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize