On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
