Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
