We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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