I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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