I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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