my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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