Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
