Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
