Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize