A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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