You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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