the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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