She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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