So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
