u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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