Non-Jews are for practice
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
