She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
porn star boner night. come get it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
