walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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