I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize