I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
