just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
