i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
