let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
