omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
