I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
