Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
