It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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