Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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