At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
