he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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