We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
