Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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