yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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