he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
