I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
