3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
