my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
