I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
