so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
