My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
