Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
