I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
