It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
