i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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