i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
