i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
