I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he puts the penis in happiness.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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