Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
