I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
