using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its not stalking. its research.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
