Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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