we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize