ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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