im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
