If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
