Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
