do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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