I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
