He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
