if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
