oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
