he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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