it hurts more in the daytime
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
