just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
