I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
