We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
