My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
