i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
