look no pants
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
