Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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