butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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