An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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