Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
