saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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