So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
