He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
