i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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