I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i want to swaddle you in tequila
did i walk over a car last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
