Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Less talking, more tequila
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
