I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
