omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
