Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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