Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize