so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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