I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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