don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
