Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
