Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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