This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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