guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
