Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We need to get me chipped asap
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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